33. Sending a Daughter to the Yang Family
A poem by Wei Yingwu, translated by Hyun Woo Kim
For many days, I have always been worried;
Now that you exit the gate, I fret my heart again.
Today my daughter is leaving,
Against the big river's currents on a light boat.
Girls, you went through hardships without your mother;
So I have loved and cared for you more, come to think of it.
The younger one was raised by her elder sister;
The two are parting, and the weeping does not rest.
Facing this, there is a twisting in my intestines;
It is proper that you go, and it is hard to stay longer.
Since young, there has been no teaching from your mother;
Attending your mother-in-law becomes my worry.
You will be at the disposal of loving people, a noble family,
Benevolent and sympathetic, and hopefully without troubles.
Poverty and frugality truly are something to be revered;
How could I provide you with all the wealth and servants?
Be filial, be polite, and go after the way of a lady;
Your appearance and behavior should follow such rules.
Our farewell is today in the morning;
When will it be, for me to see you?
I will live idly, begin to let go of myself;
A passion comes, and suddenly, it is hard to hold on!
Having come back, I look at the younger daughter;
Falling tears flow along the strings of my headdress.
「 送杨氏女」
永日方慼慼
出門復悠悠
女子今有行
大江泝輕舟
爾輩況無恃
撫念益慈柔
幼爲長所育
兩別泣不休
對此結中腸
義往難復留
自小闕內訓
事姑貽我憂
賴茲托令門
仁恤庶無尤
貧儉誠所尙
資從豈待周
孝恭遵婦道
容止順其猷
別離在今晨
見爾當何秋
居閑始自遣
臨感忽難收
歸來視幼女
零淚緣纓流
From Hyun Woo:
I am not sure about Chinese fathers, but there is a stereotype of Korean fathers, especially those who belong to the older generation. A father is always stoic and never shows his emotions. Then, on the day his daughter gets married, he will burst into tears, making an excuse like there is something in his eye. I think Wei Yingwu was such a father.
Today’s poem does not show delicate poetic expressions. He seems to simply write out what he feels. His daughters grew up without their mother, and the elder daughter is getting married to a certain Mr. Yang. She will live with the Yang family from now on. Taking her to them, he reminisces about the past and tells her how to behave at her husband’s house, while going through an inner conflict himself. (“It is proper that you go”) He also feels sorry that he could not provide his daughter with “all the wealth and servants” as a dowry but tells her “poverty and frugality truly are something to be revered” in an affectation of paternal advice. At last, he says he “will live idly, begin to let go of myself”, as if trying to tell his daughter he is going to be just fine without her, but “suddenly, it is hard to hold on!” Back home, now that his elder daughter is no longer with him, Wei Yingwu is ugly crying, even wetting the strings of his headdress with his tears.
I cannot sympathize with Wei Yingwu in the fullest sense, to be honest. I have never been a daughter or a father of a daughter. If you are a married daughter, how did your father react on your wedding day? And if you are a father with a married daughter, what did you feel when she got married? Please let me know in the comments.
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For me, the line "let go of myself" is somewhat an act of letting go of his attachment with the daughter, who is taken away from him by life, and he can do nothing about that. This poem is especially beautiful to me because I understand in the old time, when a daughter is married away, you don't really know what future holds. Maybe she is married into an abusive family, maybe her mother-in-law hates her, maybe her husband has many more women out of the wedlock. The lines to advise the girl to be good with her behavior and appearance seems to be the only way to protect her and secure her of somewhat good life. This vulnerable and emotional poem reveals that the father does understand all the unforeseen things and he has no power to protect her. Is it the power of patriarchy taken her away as a life cycle that those people had to live with? - Then the emotion part of this poem gives the daughter and us, readers, a new power, a kind of trust and love that a father gives his daughter. Thank you for translating it.
Thank you so much for sharing this poem, it touched me so much to think of my own relationship with my father, even though I am not a married daughter haha. my father was kind of like the stereotype of Korean fathers you describe—he didn’t show his emotions much—but sometimes he would say things like, “When you are married, will you let me visit you?” and I remember when I left home for college he used to tell me how much he missed me around the house. I love how this poem combines fatherly advice with Wei Yingwu trying to buck himself up while also giving vent to his more tender feelings.